Is it Apple’s fault I’m boring?
I recently got into a conversation. It was one of those spontaneous and awkward encounters where I’d met a person I sort-of know on the main street of my wee town. His name is Steven. He doesn’t like to be called Steve. Whilst engaging in some nonsensical yet polite ramblings about the weather—a topic in which neither of us were clearly interested—I noted that our lack of compatibility in such social situations meant this conversation was soon to die. I was okay with that scenario.
At that very moment, Steven grabbed hold of a passer-by with frightening speed, as if he was desperate to extract himself from this painful encounter with me via any possible distraction. I was then introduced to a friend of his (I’ll call him Chuck for the purpose of this article) a good looking twenty-something who was fascinated by something on his iPhone.
A conversation similar to this one then took place:
Steven: This is Chuck.
Me: Hi Chuck, nice to meet you mate….
Chuck: (Glancing up from his iPhone) Sorry, Steven…wh….what’s your friends name again?
Me: Oh, my name’s Ben. Good to meet you!
Chuck: Ha ha ha, Steven’s forgotten your name Ben. Hasn’t he? Forgotten it? Hashtag funny! Ha ha ha!
Me: What did you say at the end there? That thing you said just then at the end of your sentence.
Chuck: Oh, “hashtag funny.” It means it’s funny. You know, with a hashtag?
You get the idea. Apart from the vacuous wash of embarrassment that comes with people forgetting your name, I had no idea that stuff you might read in a tech blog was now embedded into our popular spoken language. I found absolutely nothing funny about rending a hashtag (#) at the beginning of a word. In fact, it rallied my more base instincts into launching a vicious assault on Chuck using my clenched fists as weapons.
I obviously didn’t do that, as I would have embarrassed myself further still by displaying the fighting skills of an asthmatic newt carrying several bags of heavy shopping. Instead, I politely ended the encounter and continued on my way whilst cursing the very ground I was on. I did, however, manage to get some redemption by shouting, “Bye Steve,” as I left.
True to my procrastinatory nature, I stewed on this matter greatly, expelling enormous energy on the subject throughout the rest of the day. I finally came to the conclusion that Chuck was, in fact, totally correct in his use of the word “hashtag” to enforce his delivery of the adjective “Funny.” It was actually I who was mistaken in thinking of him as a stupid baboon for using the term. I realised I am now boring. I am a boring man. When I was a kid, it was the colloquial terms “naff” and “star” that I would utilise to describe something rubbish or address a person respectively. These words were widely mocked by my elders as ridiculous, yet we continued to use them as a form of pathetic anarchy.
My investigation continued into this newly found state of boredom, and I settled on the conclusion that Apple is to blame. It was around the time that I adopted Apple as my staple technological diet that I started walking the slippery slope toward becoming boring. I found (and still find) Apple, with all its industrial tentacles, to be so enormously interesting, and it has left little room in my consciousness for more interesting things like stupid words or funny cat videos.
Despite how silly all this sounds, I genuinely think it raises a good point. With most Apple fan boys like me, we subconsciously attain this aura of self-righteousness; this idea that because we’ve chosen Apple as our brand of choice, we must be right. Everyone else must be a loser. In fact, it’s very close to a form of segregation. Those with Apple are the “haves” and those without are the “have-nots.” Apple and all its beautiful design ethos have directly contributed to a change in my awesomeness, and that worries me greatly!
Has Apple affected your character either negatively or positively? Have your say below…