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An ‘Aquaman’ Movie is in Development

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AquamanWhat’s that thing Ben Franklin used to say? About how there were only two certainties in life? Something about death and the fact there will never be an “Aquaman” movie? Well, it turns out that old syphilitic bastard can go fly a kite (;)!) because not only are all of us going to live forever and ever, according to Film Buff Online, an “Aquaman” movie is currently in development.

Yes, in spite of the fact that the idea of an “Aquaman” movie was treated like a joke on Entourage (which, ironically, was premium cable’s sad equivalent to Aquaman) and the character was considered so boring that, in the ’90s, his writers’ cut off his hand and gave him a beard in a desperate bid to make him seem vaguely interesting, DC Entertainment’s Chief Creative Officer Geoff Johns has stated that, Aquaman is “a priority character for the company.”

Which is chilling news. If Aquaman is considered a priority character, who else does DC consider a priority character? Martian Manhunter? Rex Raymond: TV Detective? Lil’ Allergy? (I hope it’s Lil’ Allergy! Who doesn’t love Binky’s accident prone little brother?) It’s depressing to realize that production has barely even begun on “Batman vs. Superman” and Warner Brothers is already scraping the bottom of the barrel.

However, it should be noted that the “Aquaman” movie is incumbent on not only the success of “Batman vs. Superman” but the success of the still highly theoretical “Justice League” movie as well. So there is a chance that our founding absentee father could be right. Which is good news because who knows what could happen if we ever break his prophecy. He might rise from his grave and put a whole new generation of French prostitutes on Valtrex.

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