I’m no stranger to listicles; in fact, I basically outline my life in them. For example, there are few things that cheer me up like a 90s-themed listicle. It could be something as lame as “18 congressional hearings from the 90s that rocked” and I’ll read that list from 1 to 18. I’ll probably even share it on my social media accounts. And as I try and fall asleep at night, you can guarantee that I’m not counting sheep. Instead, I’m listing my favorite Red Hot Chili Peppers songs or different ways I can wear my hair the next day (it’s always a variation on a ponytail).
So when I came across a listicle that literally made me wince in disgust, you know it must have crossed some sort of boundary. However, this listicle wasn’t anything disgusting like the things you find on Reddit’s r/wtf subreddit. Instead, it was something that just made me abandon all hope I once had in society. Of course, then I reminded myself it was just something on Fox News and I felt a little better.
But still, I had a little one of these:
Anyways, Kim Komando wrote a story on Fox News called “Divorcing? 5 Things to do Online Now.” Yeah! All casual, just like that. Almost as if the headline should be, “Thinking of taking up gardening? Here’s 5 Things to do Online Now.” But no, it’s about divorce. And in an age where divorce seems as ubiquitous as pigeons, it’s hard to see journalists tackling the issue as a non-issue. As if the casual tone of the article wasn’t bad enough, it’s in the form of a listicle! Perhaps I’m naive, but listicles are supposed to be reserved for pictures of cross-bred puppies or .gifs of Leonardo DiCaprio. Sure, you can discuss deeper topics like sports, travel, maybe even politics (if you approach it the right way) but a divorce listicle about online implications?!
No. And the content is equally sickening. Not because the writer’s advice is in poor taste, but simply because it’s a damn shame that these are the things we have to think of when a marriage is ending. Seems ironic to long for the days when divorce meant worrying about the house or the kids, instead of whether or not your ex has a tracking app on your phone.
Like Komando says:
“For situations where your ex seemed like the jealous type, you should assume that they planted spy apps or a keylogger on your gadgets. If nothing else, you might have set up a tracking system in the past like Apple’s Find My Friends that you need to turn off.”
But not to worry, she worries about the kids too. Except it’s worry over whether or not dad will be spying on mom via your daughter’s Facebook account:
“Speaking of kids, they’ll probably spend time with both parents. That gives your ex the opportunity to pick up your kid’s phone or hop on to their Facebook account. In other words, anything your kid can see, your ex can see. So, be careful what you share with your kid as well.”
Yes, let’s totally neglect the child’s feelings on his/her parent’s divorce, and instead focus on whether or not your ex-husband can see those photos from your girls’ night out in Vegas.
If you’re looking for comfort in the time of your impending and unnerving divorce, I suggest staying clear of Komando’s list.
Perhaps if we stopped treating divorce like a trivial misstep, the amount of couples facing the troubling possibility wouldn’t be on the rise.