Who’s On Crack in tech: 10.10.08 edition

This is where we call out by names the actions and companies that seem odd, out of touch or just plain straight up smokin’ crack. Technology is an odd realm where PR speak doesn’t hold a lot of water if the 1s and 0s don’t line up. This week sees posturing, positioning and flat out insanity. Here is what caught my eye this week:

BlackBerry Bold

Ouch! We are all so excited about the Thunder and then we learn there are problems under the hood with the Bold. The Bold was so, well, bold.

Nice qwerty keys, swanky look, but trouble? We heard you guys blaming AT&T for the problems, now we hear the same from Orange in the UK? Uh-oh. Last week I talked about too many launches, too many names — seems I might not be the only one overwhelmed with it all, huh?

Plus there are rumors now that the RIM stock has halved in the past month that someone might pick you up on the cheap. The question quickly becomes: Moto and Microsoft who is doing more dope? Enough to kick in some money to get the dominant position in the US business market? Now that would be interesting

And I am bored of touch screen phones.

Well that didn’t take long. Just 6 months ago, I was whining about how makers haven’t stepped up and made some luscious touch screen phones. Now they have. In fact, they made too many to count. Samsung and LG are launching new ones every 17 seconds. I can’t keep up, can you? And I love this stuff.

So why is it boring? It is the experience, stupid. Yes, I am hooked on the Apple method like a crack baby to well, crack. Where is the fun, LG? Where is the sizzle, Samsung? Just slapping on a different input method really was not what I was asking for.

I was asking for a revolution and you brought me more of the same. Can’t someone play with the OS and bring up something fun? I want fun and you know the ladies just want to have fun.

Microsoft Windows XP for life.

That could almost be their slogan if it were not so embarrassing. Our reporting ace, Natesh Sood says 58% of UK businesses are still rocking the XP and only 4% are running Vista. Wow.

Instantly, I get why recent ads have Gates and Seinfeld rapping about shoes and not Vista. Pushing back support for downgrade media makes some sense when you’ve no confidence in your latest and supposedly greatest. “I am a PC until they stop supporting XP,” maybe that could be the slogan?

Google

If you are sitting around the Google Lab saying, “what do people really need?” and you come back with Gmail Beer Goggles Protection, maybe we have an intervention. Consider this your intervention, Google. Really? Seriously? Math?

Oh, you Lab folks! Math is why I changed majors in college. Math is what got us into this bad mortgage mess. Hasn’t the public made it clear we can’t do math when sober? Seriously, my brain function maxes out picking the right Garanimals to dress my kids. Zebra goes with Zebra, right? Now a stopwatch and higher math that has me reaching for my iPod touch calculator. I’ve got enough stress without summoning the mental acuity to beat your math problems.

Verizon knows something about smartphones.

My absolute favorite for the week is Verizon’s new smartphone university classes. Now sure, the classes are just being held as a test in two stores, but, really, Verizon? Seriously? Are you up to this? OK, I can hear you, “Spill it, JG! Why does this make you think they are on the rock?”

Easy: They passed on the iPhone. Can anyone really take them seriously if they passed on the smartphone that changed smartphones? Can these chaps really know what they are talking about when the let the game changer go by without so much as a, “We need something better, STAT!” kind of attitude? No, they played the wait and see game and still don’t have something in their line up yet.

What I am saying is mighty “Can you hear me now” got schooled on the smartphone by AT&T. The irony is palpable.

Think I am on crack too? Let me know in the comments.