Who’s on Crack in tech: 10.17.2008 Edition

This is where we call out by names the actions and companies that seem odd, out of touch or just plain straight up smokin’ crack. Technology is an odd realm where PR speak doesn’t hold a lot of water if the 1s and 0s don’t line up. This week sees posturing, positioning and flat out insanity. Here is what caught my eye this week:

Hello, folks. I am not your usual party host. He’s out of town, so I’m your substitute JG.

Joost

You just changed the way you work, but you’ve missed the boat. Hulu ate your lunch. You may have even been the victim of a third cliché. Read about the “New Joost” if you want, but when they were one of the first to offer a real online video television experience, their buggy software pretty much killed them. Good luck, guys. The transformation from being a pioneer to an also-ran is near complete.

Folks waiting for BlackBerries

RIM, you promised us so much. We’ve seen what seems to be millions of leaked photos, official photos, launches, and sale stoppages. While your delays are incredible (and I mean that literally — not believable), you still manage to keep some good press because people are madly in love with you.

You folks waiting for whatever new BlackBerry are on crack. You’re like one of those people who waits for a phone call and yells when someone tries to use the phone because someone may be calling you right now.

Apple

No Blu-ray and a refusal to ever allow some kind of card reader into any of your computers is why you’re on crack this week. How could a company that that prides itself on “lifestyle computing” and provides devices for creative media types not allow some kind of way to watch the latest media standard? Isn’t Apple a part of that Blu-ray association? Couldn’t they work out a deal on some cheap players and burners?

As for my insistence on a card reader of some kind, if Apple wants to boot firewire because cameras don’t use DV tape any more, that’s fine. A lot of cameras are now SD Card based. Throw in the card reader. Pay $1299 for a super high-tech laptop, but you’ll need a USB card reader sticking out of the side of that laptop like that side ponytail that girl from Napoleon Dynamite wore.

Now, I’m sure a lot of you could go off about removing the trackpad button. Let’s face it, Steve hates buttons. Look at the iPhone. I’m still surprised the MacBooks even have keyboards.

EU

Guys, you’re putting money into a study to determine if listening to loud music will mess up your hearing? I know a couple of musicians you could ask and you could have saved a bunch of money. Let me save you some more money, staring at the sun is bad for your eyes. Also, setting fire to any part of yourself is not beneficial. Feel free to deposit the money in my Paypal account. You can read more on this here: EU warns of impending MP3-related deafness.

Think I’m on crack? That’s irrelevant. You can’t prove anything. Sound off in the comments section, then. Do it. I dare you. I double dare you. I might even take the physical challenge.