Who’s on Crack in Tech: 2008 crack up

This is where we call out the tech moves that seem odd, out of touch or just plain straight up smokin’ crack. This special edition points out the posturing, positioning and flat out insanity that came and went with 2008.

This year’s honoree’s are:

Microsoft Windows Mobile
Palm
Sprint
Concert Goers
Microsoft vows to avenge Vista
Blackberry

“There’s no chance that the iPhone is going to get any significant market share. No chance,” said Ballmer.

Ah mighty, hubristic MS, how we love to hold disdain for you. In the year known as the “we totally misjudged this whole iPhone thing,” MS in May issued this prediction: they hope to earn a 40% marketshare in smartphone OS by 2012. Back then, I stated, “they were at 13% in ‘07. Verdict? Crack.”

And I totally stand by that. What were they thinking? As I pack my bags for CES yet again this year, I am reminded how I saw last year’s CES as their last great hope to get Windows Mobile on the right track and what have we seen since then? Windows Mobile 6.1, which did fix a bunch of usability issues but still make it the ugliest girl on the street corner. You have to be straight up swallowing the crack to believe otherwise.

We’re told there will be no Zune-influenced phone OS. Fine by me, how about something that doesn’t take 13 menus to get a simple task done? A rounded edge graphic now and then wouldn’t kill anyone or send your OS into the infamous blue screen of death mode will it? I can’t believe we’ve waited this long, oops – wait a tick: we didn’t. iPhone sales are through the roof and continue unabated toward the stratosphere. Good luck with your “me too” approach you are cooking up now.

A bird in the Palm is worth two in the bush?

Why am I still rooting for Palm? I dunno. Loyalty? Meh. I know they can? Maybe. Despite the Foleo go/no go dance and delayed OS, abysmal stock performance, they just got an influx of $100 million in cash last month. So what can save them?

This guy over at Motley Fool says handwriting recognition. HAHAHA, seriously? I can’t read my own writing anymore and don’t expect my phone to either. Good God man, don’t make me pick up -and then quickly misplace- another stylus. That was the 90s. Move on.

Will Nova, a purportedly Linux based OS save them? Can they build a centralized, phone optimized application store? Will we see a tablet version of the Foleo (whose idea is actually starting to grow on me)?

The Treo pro was a good looking device, but that no longer cuts the mustard. The market’s expectations are the iPhone, please don’t show anything less. I am rooting for you and that clearly tips my hand that I am indeed on crack.

Sprint Instinct prophesy comes true

Six months ago, I wrote this:

Ah, Sprint, we admire your gumption with this whole Instinct thing. But announcing the same price as the iPhone 3G and your iPhone challenging advertisements seems a bit, well foolish. Can you do anything without mentioning the iPhone? Always comparing yourself to the iPhone will keep you down, even if on paper you’re better. Just look at Rocky vs Drago in Rocky IV, Drago should have kicked his butt, but no. I see us asking, “Instinct who?“ in six months.

Last week, while hustling through JFK Airport, I was greeted back to the US with a big Instinct banner. This banner inspired two words in my head, “Instinct who?” Crack.

That concert rocked, look at my photo!

Still sadly true today as every bit as much as was back in June.

Concert goers. Aimed at no one in particular, except for the thousands hanging with me in Madison Square Garden last weekend. People stop taking pictures of the band with your phone. Here is a freebie, copy this image to your phone. It is what they all will look like. Your phone can’t get a good image, but that doesn’t stop thousands, yes thousands of you from trying. And why only when they play a song you like? The video is going to be anything to remember either. My apologies go out to those in the crowds who are actually crackheads, please know that I wouldn’t call you a crackhead if you actually smoked crack.

No, seriously: people like Vista if they took the time to like it.

Microsoft makes it on the list again for their “avenge Vista” marketing decisions. Their attempts to show us Vista wasn’t as bad as everyone believes is swimming upstream with a parachute. To turn public opinion, MS even enlisted Jerry Seinfeld for odd commercials. Here is what I had to say back in July:

Vista. Oh Microsoft. In a battle to turn around public sentiment on Vista, so far down the line, your “fight back” ads are interesting. They show us you can’t control PR, bloggers, or even the common man from spouting off in favor of anything else. Sure when you get as big as you are, it gets tougher to find allies. But you are Microsoft. Rebrand, repackage. You want to make the Vista negative experience go away? Take your marketing dollars and actually launch something called Mojave. It sounds cool, I’d buy it – you know if it didn’t have Vista’s issues… Crackheads.

Blackberry launches more phones than common sense allows

And the laundry list of new phones launching hasn’t slowed. I am throwing in the towel, I can’t keep up. Back in October I was near the end of my rope with RIM when I wrote:

Could you have a few more models please? I can’t keep track of the Storm, Thunder, Flip Pearl 3000, Hailstorm, good old 8820 and the zillion others you’ve introduced in the last 6 months. I need a family tree or something. There is a reason most Americans have exactly two children: it is easy to remember their names. Unless you start going by Thing 1, Thing 2, Thing 3; you are going to lose me. I do love that you’ve moved off numbers though.

So, there you have it, my list of best crack induced behavior of 2008. With the market in the gutter and everyone saying tech is headed down, surely 2009 will show us the crack connections are flowing fast and furious. Stay tuned to Gadgetell for your regular weekly fix on Fridays.