Shields Up!: Cyberbullying – It’s not just kids who do it

Last week we started talking about online predators and how to protect yourself from them. This week, I want to discuss the issue of cyberbullying a little more. When most people hear the word bully they immediately think of schoolyards and big kids picking on smaller ones and stealing their lunch money. While it’s true that cyberbullying is a big issue among kids, tweens and teens, it’s also something that happens to adults. OvercomingBullying.org has an outstanding article about the subject from the point of view of a cyberbully that changed her ways then became the victim of cyberbullying herself. It’s chilling and heartbreaking.

What exactly is cyberbullying? Here’s an excellent definition:

“Cyberbullying involves the use of information and communication technologies such as e-mail, cell phone and pager text messages, instant messaging (IM), defamatory personal Web sites, and defamatory online personal polling Web sites, to support deliberate, repeated, and hostile behaviour by an individual or group, that is intended to harm others.” – Bill Belsey, Cyberbullying Expert

I’ve experienced cyberbullying myself. Years ago, when the web was young, 1997 or so, I fell victim to a group of them. It all started when I made the acquaintance of an actor that had starred in a 70’s TV show we were all fans of. I can only assume it was jealousy that caused this group of people I’d grown to consider close friends to become so vicious. Day after day hateful things were posted about me on message boards and via email. The one incident I remember the most is when one of them sent me an email saying I was a waste of oxygen and they were going to find me and shoot me in the head. An hour later the police showed up at my house saying they had received a 911 call stating a woman with gunshot wounds was inside. It was a horrifying experience.

Cyberbullies do what they do for various reasons. Some are just sick people. Others, like the reformed bullying in the article mentioned above, were experiencing a personal tragedy and taking it out on others online. One of the cyberbullies that tormented me all those years ago was in a dysfunctional marriage and living with a controlling mother in law. She had stated to me before the bullying began that she felt that her life was out of control. Apparently becoming a cyberbully was her way of gaining something in her life she could control. Some people just thrive on drama. Cliques exist online too, although their members may be hundreds or thousands of miles apart, and often they are eager to turn on one of their own they feel no longer belongs.

If you ever find yourself the target of cyberbullying, you have my sympathies. Please know that you didn’t do anything wrong. Even if you did offend someone, such a response is never justified. Here are some tips to cope:

Stay quiet.

Never respond to a cyberbully. Although our natural instincts are to defend ourselves when we feel wronged, doing so in this instance will almost always make things worse. It’s like adding lighter fluid to a fire, so resist that urge.

Save correspondence.

Save any email, blog posts, IMs or other correspondence sent by the bully. This will help you in the event the bullying crosses over the line and becomes a problem in “real life.”

Keep the faith.

As devastatingly traumatic and painful cyberbullying can be, there is hope. Your real friends will still be there for you and the rest does not matter. Know that time does heal. No one deserves to be cyberbullied, lied about or have their friends turned against them. Don’t be afraid to seek counseling to deal with the pain if you feel you need help. If the situation becomes severe check with your local law enforcement agency as many states now have cyberbullying laws on the books.

Image Source: Cybershack.org