Russia has lost control of a gecko sex satellite in space

Ground control to Major Tom: There’s lizards doing the dirty in space, and mission control has lost the ability to control it. In my web-perusing, I was lucky enough to come across this news gem. And it’s Friday, so I’m going to write about it. Consider it your Funky Friday Fun Fact.

Coolio will release new music through…Pornhub?!

Apparently, Pornhub is giving Coolio some models for his video “Take It To The Hub,” in exchange for an exclusive premiere of Coolio’s new tracks. Because isn’t that what you really want to see when you come to Pornhub? Coolio? I’ll take your suspicious silence as a yes!

Stop the madness: Motorola unveils digital tattoos

Are we that lazy? It seems smartphone-owners would rather not take the five seconds it requires to enter a PIN to unlock their phones. So, Motorola’s solution? Temporary tattoos! And they’re not even cute; they look like ringworm mixed with a cigarette burn. It’s like the ultimate mood-killer, but it’s totally worth it if you can unlock your phone in one second, right? WRONG! Admittedly, I was all on board with the fingerprint sensors from companies such as Apple and Samsung, but I was fine with the technology ending there.

Xiaomi lanches $13 fitness wearable

Alongside the Xiaomi Mi 4 launch, the Chinese company announced a VERY affordable smart wearable called the Mi Band. In China, it is set to cost CN¥79 which ends up being about $13. Most fitness trackers on the market are about 4 times that price, and that’s on the low end. So it’s safe to assume the Mi Band probably isn’t capable of all the same fitness capabilities. However, it’s not exactly useless. The Mi Band can track your movement (both walking or running) and sleeping patterns.

Can’t we all just get along?

Two of my colleagues wrote articles yesterday about their very different stances regarding “Internet delusions.” I suppose it’s in my nature to find a diplomatic common ground, instead of choosing sides. Maybe it’s because I’m the oldest of three kids, and someone’s always got to be mediator. Whatever it is, I’d prefer to look at both sides of this argument through a neutral lens (as best I can), as opposed to the dreaded Millennial scope. Perhaps if we can all agree on something, we can avoid this argument erupting into a heated West Side Story feud. Although, I think Devon could pull off those dance moves perfectly. Scott, I’ll have to meet you in person first.

Finally, self-serve beer machines have arrived

I don’t know about you, but when I’m checking out at a grocery store using a self-serve machine, all I’m really thinking is, “Why can’t I do this with beer?!” Or I’m thinking “Are these Fuji apples or Granny Smith?! I don’t want to lie!” My life is hard. Well it turns out my dream of one day being able to serve myself a cold beer at sporting events is becoming a reality. Maybe it’s just me, but having to simultaneously order my pretzel and beer at the same time to avoid waiting in multiple lines is really cutting down on my game-watching time. And by that I mean my multiple attempts to get on the jumbotron. I’ll dance all night if I have to, Phillies!

To sum up: The World Cup and technology

The World Cup ended on Sunday with Germany defeating Argentina in the finals, and while some news outlets prefer discussing German scorer Mario Götze’s post-World-Cup-boner (no joke), I prefer to focus on the technological aspects of this year’s World Cup. A fascinating element of a sports tournament that takes place every four years is that advancements in technology are sure to be both pivotal and noticed. Even something as simple as social media was a huge change from the last World Cup. I guess I’m corny, but I think it’s all awesome. And hey, if technology helps pick a more accurate winner, I’m all about it.

Whistler introduces MotoGlo helmet safety light

As someone who has always wanted a motorcycle (ITS NOT A PHASE, MOM!), I am always excited to see new improvements in terms of motorcycle safety. That way, I can present my parents with a Powerpoint presentation replete with all the ways I can “safely” ride a motorcycle. So, when I read that the Whistler Group, Inc.m introduced a new Helmet Safety Light called the MotoGlo, I was pleased as punch. Do the kids still say that?

11 first world problems millennials face

Here’s 11 first world problems millennials face. Like my mom says, you can’t take yourself too seriously! Oh and don’t fall asleep with mascara on! Thanks, mom!

10 Nikola Tesla facts to celebrate his birthday

Well I won’t pretend I’m intelligent enough to provide new insight into Nikola Tesla’s immense contributions to the world, but I am good at stringing together a bunch of interesting facts! Thanks, Los Angeles education! Today would have been the inventor’s 158th birthday! You don’t look a day over 30, Nikola! So to celebrate the man, the myth, the legend, the pigeon-lover, I have assembled a list of 10 Nikola Tesla facts. Maybe you know all of them, but maybe you can say you learned something today!

RoboCup will help your World Cup withdrawal

Unfortunately for spectators, the World Cup will come to an end this Saturday. And if you’re like me, you’ve gotten used to having entertaining soccer games to watch all week and you’re not ready to part with the excitement quite yet. Luckily, the RoboCup tournament is taking place in Brazil a week after the World Cup. So, you can gradually withdraw from your soccer addiction by watching robots engage in a kicking machine competition. What could be better than that?

Fox News crossed the listicle line

Kim Komando wrote a story on Fox News called “Divorcing? 5 Things to do Online Now.” Yeah! All casual, just like that. Almost as if the headline should be, “Thinking of taking up gardening? Here’s 5 Things to do Online Now.” But no, it’s about divorce.