Welcome to Who’s on Crack, an in-depth look at this weeks moves in the tech world that raise our eyebrows just a bit. If common sense and logic isn’t behind these moves what is? Perhaps crack? Let’s get the accused and you can decide for yourself.

Google loves MOTO
Palm is dead
Android is killing the web

Google buys a RAZR

“Hello Samsung, buddy? Yeah, it’s me Google. Hey, just real quick, the news wire is going to light up with some news I wanted you to get first. We’re buying Motorola. Samsung, buddy, you still there?” This week Google sent shock waves through the tech world with their purchase of perhaps the largest manufacturer of hardware that uses their Android mobile device software. Our Arnold Zafra reported exactly what Larry Page posted: “The acquisition of Motorola Mobility, a dedicated Android partner, will enable Google to supercharge the Android ecosystem and will enhance competition in mobile computing. Motorola Mobility will remain a licensee of Android and Android will remain open. Google will run Motorola Mobility as a separate business.”

The analysts paint this as Google wanted/needed the patents Motorola held to be able to fend off attacks from the likes of Apple and Microsoft (both seem to be hell bent on flexing patent muscle to limit competition for their mobile platforms). MOTO refused to unbundle the patents from the mobile division (discount bulk purchase only) and forced Google to buy the kit and caboodle. So they had to buy the manufacturing arm as well.

Other folks say, “hey, Google is merely copying Apple’s strategy of merely building both the hardware and software, they seem to be having a good go of it. The Nexus project seems to point to Google’s desire to try some new things, maybe that was a step toward this endgame?

While we may not know the real reasoning behind the bold acquisition, we can rest assured their partners (like Samsung, HTC and LG among others) are asking Google and themselves lots of questions. So, is Google on crack? I think we’ll have to wait this one out to see.

OMG, they killed Palm!

$1.2 Billion, 18 months and a soft-spot in the hearts of many gadget press-a-teers. It’s not enough. HP is learning the hard way that the mobile market is tougher than just showing up with pretty software. Our Jeremy Hill has the scoop: ““HP reported that it plans to announce that it will discontinue operations for webOS devices, specifically the TouchPad and webOS phones.”

You’ve got to give HP some credit here, walking away from a $1.2 billion dollar buy just 18 months ago is tough. Sunk costs are truly sunk. Walk away from the blackjack tablet when your losses are at your max. Everyone knows these rules.

Yet, walking away is tough to do. The lure of a recent ex is tough to resist. Even HP is having some trouble walking away from webOS – HP says they are looking for ways to extract value from the OS. Now, that’s mostly to save some face to investors, but the general consensus is they’ll seek a license or outright sale of the OS. But to who?

The OS has failed to gain traction and has become a bit tainted in the number of companies that failed to make it successful. Could Nokia back out of its deal with MS or augment it with a snazzy OS that just needs a few tweaks to be fantastic? Sony? HTC?

For the Android partners that woke up to Google now competing with them, this announcement may not have come at a better time.

Android is killing the web

Thanks a lot Android users. You are killing the web. At least, according to this survey. “A new study conducted by Nielsen has shown that when it comes to Android smartphones, users spend way more time with apps than the actual web browser.”

That’s right, forget the web. It’s over. It’s so 2005. Today, its reformatting the web into a native app. Look at Flipboard, Zite even video reformatters like ShowYou. We don’t need the web, we just need aggregators. Adios search engines?

The assumption here is Android users are getting the info they need from dedicated apps instead of going on the web. The alternative look is Android is very mainstream now, so perhaps these non-tech users are just playing Angry Birds instead of surfing the net? That’s probably a lot more likely.

And besides, you can’t just kill the net. Right?

Welcome to the 7/15 edition of Who’s on Crack in tech. Today, we’ll look back at the, shall we say interesting, week in the tech world and perhaps dig just a little deep to see which companies are off their meds or perhaps are on something a bit stronger. Let’s get to the accused:

Best Buy: Confusion HQ
Google adds to confusion with another Photo sharing service
Netflix just makes us confused
And then Netflix invites us to leave

Best Buy is making us nuts!

What proof tech is confusing? Look no further than this Best Buy advert showing us the new HP TouchPad actually runs Android 3.0. Wait a tic, this would be new to both HP who just spent a cool $1.2 billion to pick up Palm for webOS, the software the TouchPad actually runs.

“This is a pretty clear fail on the part of the Best Buy advertising team, however we cannot help but wonder—Would the TouchPad have been a more successful device if it really was running Android 3.0 Honeycomb? The funny part here, they touted the Android part in the highlight, but managed to get the webOS portion in towards the right of the tablet.”

Best Buy, we know it’s tough to keep all this straight. But right about now, I can think of 1.2 billion reasons why HP might be just a little miffed. And consumers? Well, they probably don’t care as anything with Android or webOS isn’t doing quite so hot in the tablet space. It’s like that quote from “Major League”: “you can’t say that on the radio, -that’s OK, no one is listening anyway.”

Google: put your photos here, and here, and here…

Got photos? Great, here’s where you should put them: Picasa, Google+, panaramio, PoolParty, Google Places, and now Photovine. Our Arnold Zafra explains:

“The idea as shown in the video is that one user will start a particular theme, then takes a photo related to that theme and sends it to the network where other people could see it, soon enough, others will start posting photos related to the theme until I suppose there are enough photos shared to form a “photo vine.” ”

While Rene Richie calls this a “Positively Microsoftian in lack of focus?” I’ll call it something else: stupid. Google’s best product is search. You can see the search page in your mind right now: white spartan screen, one box and “search”. They’ve done well because it’s simple. They’re doing the exact opposite with photos. Their plan seems to be throw it all at the wall and see what sticks. The problem with that, however, is we’ve become addicted to flocking to the “next great thing” instead of falling in love with any of it.

Straight up crack.

Netflix pokes us in the eye

This week, Netflix created a new pricing scheme that sent many users through the roof. Folks like our Robert Nelson saw the move as cost saving for him while others threatened to cancel their membership altogether, “it becomes an easy decision for something that I had been considering for some time now—come September 1st, or actually just before my raised-rate billing cycle—I will be dropping down to a streaming only Netflix account.”

How many of us paid for a DVD by mail plan only to leave it sitting around for months on end? Will most of these lazy customers, like Robert, remove this profit from Netflix pocket or were lazy folks already factored in? I suspect Netflix might be happy with Roberts decision to go to streaming only.

Unfortunately for Netflix, they are becoming caught in the pinch between profit-seeking movie studios and customers expectations of a bigger streaming library. The future suddenly looks less bright for the once shining star. Is this the beginning of the end? My money says Netflix gets bought out by a studio within the year. Or maybe, I am on something…

Netflix: “canceling is a super-easy option you really should consider”

OK, that was a paraphrase. Here’s what they actually said, “You can easily change or cancel your unlimited streaming plan, unlimited DVD plan or both.” (Image stolen from Zatz). Here’s how I envision this this sentence got added:

Boss: “We need to tell consumers we don’t care about them.”
Marketing guy: “But we need to do it in a classy way.”
Marketing gal: “Why don’t we just tell them it’s easy to get the (censored) out.”
Boss: “Genius. Make sure you make it clear: here’s the flippin door.”

Alright that is probably not how it went down, but I don’t believe the exact opposite is true – that is, I don’t believe they sat down and wordsmithed this letter. I think it was thrown together rather quickly and proofed for spelling mistakes and away it went. Is it really that big a deal? Nope. I suspect most of the users would have been fine paying for a service many are passionate about had there been some kind of explanation (other than, this stuff costs us more, so it will cost you more). Maybe throw a quick press event together to distract us with something like by 2014 we hope to have 5,000 streaming movies (made up that number). Some effort to misdirect, encourage us that you not retreating. Something that says,” it’s not you, it’s us” – even though we all know it really is us and you want out of the relationship. Sadly, we’re used to hearing that.

Welcome to the 7/11 edition of Who’s on Crack in tech. Today, we’ll look back at the, shall we say interesting, week in the tech world and perhaps dig just a little deep to see which companies are off their meds or perhaps are on something a bit stronger. Let’s get to the accused:

RIM’s got mail!
TouchPad: can you touch this?
Skype for Android finally?
webOS to Samsung and I grow gills in the water

RIM’s got mail!

This week, RIM’s mailbox must have been bursting. After a rough go with the PlayBook, some notes on a shrinking Waterloo and continued downward trend in the US marketing, fan mail or hate mail (depending on your point of view) started piling in.

“While I hide it at work, my passion has been sapped. I know I am not alone — the sentiment is widespread and it includes people within your own teams.” -anonymous open letter from RIM employee

The response from RIM, “the senior management team at RIM is nonetheless fully aware of and aggressively addressing both the company’s challenges and its opportunities.”

Is this anymore than a he said/she said? What company doesn’t have employees that think the bosses are jerks? Or that they know whats best for the company? Heck, here at Gadgetell, I can tell you we all think our Editor, Robert is a jerk and that we’d do so many things different if only I had the editors reigns.

But then, we don’t have to wear Robert shoes. We don’t have to stress over readership numbers or pleasing big brother. So what we call being a jerk, to Robert, it might be shielding us from the crow he has to eat. [Sidenote, Robert is actually one of the coolest people I have the pleasure of working with. Mellow to the core].

So is the letter to RIM right on or just pesky whining? Despite RIMs faults, they are kicking so butt overseas in developing countries. And where is Apple running? China. Asia. Developing countries.

Maybe RIM’s troubles are a hiccup as they wait for the developing countries boom. Or maybe they’ve built their walls to high and have missed the market. I believe that’s the case here in the US but heck, who didn’t miss that? Palm sure didn’t. Microsoft didn’t. It’s time to re-invent RIM and often that starts at the top.

Truth be told, my favorite part of the letter is this: “No Accountability – Canadians are too nice.” Fantastic stuff.

What’s your take? Is RIM in need of a shake up or do they just need some breathing room to adjust to the developing world? Right on or whine much? Let us know in the comments.

TouchPad for light days?

Launching today is HP’s webOS TouchPad. And what is the hub bub all about? Bugs.

“Bugs in the software were reported in most reviews and point to ominous signs. Can a buggy product have any chance of success?”

Forget anything else you want to know about feature spec, forget the app count, forget the smartphone integration trick. Bugs. Use this and feel the software letting you down.

Why would you buy it? You really, really like HP? Or Palm? Or just want to be a beta tester?

Droid doesn’t do Skype, but 4 out of the Android Army can!

To me, Skype is video conferencing. If you’re an Android user though, Skype has to mean something else or you just don’t video conference on your phone. But there may be good news on the horizon:

“Today, Skype announced that certain Android users will be able to enjoy video chatting through Skype with their friends and family. If you own an Android smartphone running Android 2.3 and it features a front facing camera, you’ll be able to take advantage of the newly redesigned Skype for Android app. The very select list includes the HTC Desire S, Sony Ericsson Xperia Neo, Sony Ericsson Xperia Pro, and the Google Nexus S.”

Really? Android is a few years in and we’ve got just 4 phones running 2.3 that can use Skype for video? Is QIK that good? Are Droid’ers just not Skypers?

I don’t get it. Come on Skype!

HP to license webOS to Samsung and I invented the rotary engine

Can we just cut the bull now? This looks to me to be nothing more than HP trying to put out some misinformation about how popular their webOS will be to pad the sales of the TouchPad. Straight up BS. At least, that’s my take.

“…according to HP CEO Leo Apotheker, they are already in talks with interested companies who want to license webOS. Although Mr. Apotheker declined to give specific time-frame as to when this will happen, some people with knowledge of the discussions confirmed that HP and Samsung are already in talks for this possibility.” -Arnold Zafra, gadgetell.com

People with knowledge can only mean HP. Samsung has nothing to gain by spilling the beans other than potentially hurting a relationship with Google whom they rely on for the OS for its Galaxy phones. So, I am going with HP on this one.

Let’s examine why Samsung might license webOS despite having huge success globally with their Galaxy line of phones. Could they really be worried that Google will shut down Samsung opportunities by constricting what the maker can and can’t do on the device? Do they want to have a sandbox with a decent OS as a back up?

Do they see something in webOS? Maybe. But to think other makers are looking for an OS controlled by HP, a competitor seems a bit silly. HP could do the very same things.

As far as I can see, there’s no play here. Android’s relatively open, cheap (free if you don’t want the Google experience), and has a loyal app building community and more adding everyday as the OS grows (or at least maintains it high smartphone saturation). Why do anything else?

Disagree? Let us know in the comments.

Welcome to another edition of Who’s on Crack. Let’s look at companies that have crossed a line from smart marketing to “hey pal, you’ve got to calm down.” This week, we’ve got a a host of companies that are pushing the boundaries of sanity and we suspect controlled substances are to blame. Let’s get to the accused:

Android tablets race to bottom
Houston this is Motorola, we’ve got problems
T-Mobile doesn’t have the iPhone, they’ve got a million of them!

Android is like gas on the fire for low tablet pricing

Tablets are big right now. None more so than the iPad seem to be selling well, really well. But that hasn’t nor won’t stop a legion of manufacturers from trying to hone in on the market Apple’s penetrated. And with the legion comes pricing pressure.

And Archos looks to be among the folks that believe they can put out a good $279 tablet. And our Jeremy Hill is on board, in a nice piece he wrote: “what Archos is proposing is a huge step in the right direction for mass tablet adoption.”

So the question becomes, is price key to mass tablet adoption. Here’s where I have trouble. I don’t believe the XOOM, Samsung TAB, LG whosy-whatsit, HTC nonsensical name, and the others are wallowing in the market because of pricing pressure. I hold, they wallow because they can’t touch the iPad yet.

The Android Market for tablet isn’t real deep right now. I don’t believe the marketers have figured out how to sell tablets yet (Apple seems to have the gist but still isn’t there yet). Couple these two things: the what can you do with it and the who’s shouting about it and you end up wallowing in the muck.

Computer makers know how to do one thing: drive down pricing. I don’t believe that is where the tablet market is yet, it’s still mastering the experience. And until the experience is homogenized, you can offer it for a nickel and not have a line out the door.

Motorola has lost contact with the SD slot

Google. It’s Google’s fault. This is my favorite story of the week and really, I am not sure how I missed this. I just learned that Motorola users haven’t been able to do anything with the SD card slot they shipped months ago.

“Google is refining the SD card solution for U.S.-based Motorola XOOM devices & we’ll share timing info as soon it’s available”

That’s like the trunk of my car not working yet. Like a door of my house not opening. Like a wheel on my lawn mower not turning. Talk about half baked. Couple this with delayed 4G where the users would send the tablet back to the mothership for the addition of the radio and you’ve got to call it crack or beta. Either is offensive in my book.

What’s cool is Euro users (who are cooler than US users by default apparently) got their SD card access already. Good time to be a Parisian! Anyone considering the move to get access?

T-Mobile brags about all the iPhones in their pockets.

So, out an industry function, T-Mobile decides (or more likely, a PR rep decides) to spill some beans: “As much as T-Mobile may want to officially carry the iPhone brand on their network, they are actually doing pretty well without it. In fact, 9to5mac heard from a T-Mobile spokesperson that T-Mobile carries over a million unlocked iPhones on their network, which is a pretty impressive figure considering one cannot buy an iPhone on T-Mobile. ”

And, because of incompatible 3G radio bands, they are all running Edge network (2G). Good God folks, have some respect for yourselves. You can do better then 2G speeds. Sure, the iPhone is nifty but not that much more than say, an Android phone. Can you imagine the Joe that switches from a 2G iPhone to a 4G Android device? They are going to feel like they walked through a time portal to the future.

And really T-Mob, you’re bragging on it? I don’t know, I guess if having .5% of all iOS devices on your network is something to yell about, times are tough. (Based on Daring Fireballs 200 million total iOS devices.)

Welcome to another installment of Who’s on Crack where we look at companies that have crossed a line from smart marketing to “hey pal, you’ve got to calm down.” This week, we’ve got a a host of companies that are pushing the boundaries of sanity and we suspect controlled substances are to blame. Let’s get to the accused:

Facebook reacts to iPad (first gen) introduction
Proof we don’t know women
Wondering about a BlackBerry PlayBook? Wait it out
HTC says decide what you don’t you desire in the Desire?

Why isn’t there a Facebook app for iPad?

It seems like a no-brainer. Today we hear, “According the the New York Times citing “people briefed on Facebook’s plans,” a truly official Facebook app is coming to the iPad in the coming months. The app is said to be specially designed for the iOS tablet.” So what was the hold up? Here’s our best guesses:

-Tablets are a fad
-Facebook was waiting for Android to create the iPad-killer
-and now it’s official: everyone is tired of waiting for the webOS TouchPad
-The iPad is finally back in stock, so Facebook devs could pick one up
-Zucks take: doesn’t seem to have hurt our growth not having one…
-They are on crack.

Why can’t we market to women respectfully?

Gone are the days when, “just make a pink one” fit the bill for selling products to females. Well, I guess not really gone, thanks to China. Check this out, “What makes this phone unique is its determination to attract women between the ages of 20-40 with its sparkly design and customizable fragrances.”

Ladies can spray their perfume on the phone chip thing so they can smell it when they talk on the phone. This sounds like the most ridiculous thing in the world. The phone, as you might expect, is shiny and glittery too.

Why? Because women love that stuff. Or at least, that’s what guys who want to sell stuff to women think.

BlackBerry PlayBook 4G delayed
Talk about a string of disappointment. We’ve got word that “according to RIM Co-CEO Mike Lazaridis, the 4G equipped tablet will not be launching this summer as expected. Instead the launch has been pushed back and the 4G PlayBook is expected to arrive sometime in the fall.”

Still no email client, only 500,000 shipped (not sold mind you, shipped – big difference), dismal financial and announced layoffs. It’s not high times in Waterloo. So how can RIM turn this thing around?

Here’s my 5 point plan:
1. Advertise how pointless it is typing on a screen.
2. Kill Storm product.
3. Harp on how much better a keyboard is.
4. Kill PlayBook.
5. Hold “BlackBerry challenge” all across the nation: have people text messages and see which is faster. Seriously, this is your one card and it’s time to play it.
6. Buy more crack.

HTC, OK, fine we’ll give it to you, minus a few of your favorite things.

Give and take, yin and yang. You can’t get something for nothing. These sentiments couldn’t be more true for the HTC Desire debacle. “HTC announced on their official Facebook page that the Desire would not be getting an upgrade to Android 2.3 Gingerbread.” “That was followed up by the good news that they (HTC) would be offering an update at some point in the future.” “And well, part three comes as this—the Gingerbread update will come at the expense of some of the currently installed apps.” <users, “WTF?“>

If you work in sales, you know this tactic well. Well if you want A, your going to have pay just a little more for it. Or we can remove some features that make you love A, if that is more palatable.

Who runs the HTC Facebook page? Can you imaging the discussions at HTC:
-”But there is all this public outcry on our page, we look stupid!”
-”Fine. Give them what they want, we’ll look stupid but make the people happy.”
-”Ah,sir, our preinstalled apps won’t work with the update!”
-”Now, we are all stupid.”

What’s the moral here? Don’t trust or rely on pre-installed apps? Don’t we hate these apps anyway? What is HTC doing over there?

In a word, crack.

Welcome to another installment of Who’s on Crack where we look at companies that have crossed a line from smart marketing to “hey pal, you’ve got to calm down.” This week, we’ve got a a host of companies that are pushing the boundaries of sanity and we suspect controlled substances are to blame. Let’s get to the accused:

Apple pie in the sky?
No 4G for you!
Get the grout – Windows is going tiled
Sony’s next big thing: Hacked, the movie

Apple’s icloud, will it make rain?

Forget Mobile Me, now it’s on to the cloud, a term so cool, even Microsoft uses it. I already hate the name, but then we hated the iPad name too and that hasn’t stopped the gangbuster sales.

Our Robert Nelson reports, “the LA Times is reporting that Apple will charge $25 per year for use of the iCloud and those interested will be able to first check it out with a free trial if they purchase something from the iTunes Store.”

Doesn’t this sound a lot like Mobile Me? If Mobile Me wasn’t hitting Apple’s goals what do they do? Rebrand. Or rather, iBrand. Apple is pulling the oldest trick in the book: new and improved.

I can hear the yelling from Cupertino, “I told you to name it iSomething. You didn’t and sales suck. Now, we’re doing it my way – drop the price and meet the revolutionarily magical iCloud.” Applause followed, I am sure.

Moto again delays 4G for XOOM

Ah Motorola, so close yet…Mr. Nelson again posts, “a confirmed delay from Motorola—it seems that they are “late with 4G LTE on Verizon’s network” and that they “will deliver LTE solutions this summer.””

I can see the college’s preparing this example for “how to make our customers feel stupid 101″. While we’d be there wagging the finger if Moto pushed out 4G product that wasn’t ready, we’re not about to give them a pass for selling something that should have been better planned out from the get go. Perhaps a 3G XOOM that you later surprise customers with a 4G upgrade. Something like that would make us crazy with excitement; instead you give us the “we still haven’t figured this out yet” line. Disappointing.

MS says icons suck, tiles are where it’s at

Windows 8 was previewed by Microsoft this week showing off a tiled skin (more or less). Our Shawn Ingram has the word, ” The tiles work just like they do on Windows Phone, some serve as simple icons to apps while others update themselves to show important information like the weather right on the tile itself. Apps launch into full screen, though the screen can be split between two apps, something we haven’t yet seen on tablets. Splitting the screen between two apps only seems asymmetrical at the moment, but for some apps having a small sliver might be all you need.”

For tablets, Windows 8 looks fantastic. The tiles are pretty cool, the swiping on and off screen look fun and kinda intuitive. So where’s the rub? Where’s the bit that says MS is messing this up too?

Touch. Windows 8 is expressly for PCs, it’s not just a tablet OS, “it’s going to run on everything.” (from the video). Oh dear God.

Has MS not gotten the message that in a work or desk setting, touch isn’t the interface mode of choice? Worker bees love keyboards and mice. HP’s line of touch machines hasn’t caught on for good reason: it’s awkward. Even on home machines, stopping to touch from keyboard-position hands is cumbersome at best.

Efficiency and speed not experience is the corporate driver. Nothing delivers that like hotkeys or fast mice clicking where you can trade mm for inches of screen real estate. Touch isn’t efficient when speed is needed.

Unless MS is raising a new generation of workers on a remote island using only Windows 8, I don’t see touch taking off for workstations. Unless MS is saying the PC is dead, tablets are going to rule the world… but even in a post-pc world where you use your tablet screen as your PC screen with a keyboard, the act of stopping to touch the screen while typing is the same problem. Its just awkward.

Sony hacked again

Again, really? As much as I have problems with the company relying on the Walkman brand for 40 years, I wouldn’t have wished this on anyone. Our Jeremy Hill relates, “Here we go again. Another Sony property has been hacked. This time the victim is Sony Pictures, and LulzSec has taken credit for the break-in. LulzSec also hacked into the Sony Music Japan website at the end of May. Do you want to know how LulzSec managed to pull off the hack? It used a SQL injection tool. This is the same method that was successful in every Sony website attack we’ve reported on over the past few weeks.”

Over a million passwords, names and birth dates all swiped and stored as plain text. Genius, who does their security? Muppets?

So how does Sony spin themselves out of this? How can they turn what will be a new verb (we got “Sony-ied”) for hacking into something of value? I propose a new film from Sony Pictures Studios. The script will be kept in plain text form and will be vulnerable to the same SQL injection tool. The goal of the script? Get hacked.

By allowing the hackers to right and rewrite the movie, Sony will have the chance to get something out of the deal, have an interesting storyline (I mean really, did you see Zookeeper?) and potential start a new way to collaborate on movies. Darn, this idea is hacked too. Maybe Sony’s an investor?

Welcome to another installment of Who’s on Crack where we look at companies that have crossed a line from smart marketing to “hey pal, you’ve got to calm down.” This week, we’ve got a a host of companies that are pushing the boundaries of sanity and we suspect controlled substances are to blame. Let’s get to the accused:

Is that a gold bird bath?
The law is catching up with torrents
Nokia goes high-brow with a low blow
Stolen phones are a problem for everyone

Can I give more money to Rovio?

Not content with forking over money for Angry Birds, Angry Birds Seasons, or Angry Birds Rio? We’ve just the thing: “the shirts, which you can see in the above image, are available by way of the Angry Birds Tees website and are selling for $12 each.” There’s even a $50 hoodie!

Angry Birds spent the better part of the year atop the sales charts for the Apple App Store and continues to do well. The cumulative hours spent playing Angry Birds, I suspect, is already more than the hours spent in the 60s putting a man on the moon.

Do we just hate pigs that much?

Was it really worth boosting Hurt Locker?

About 25,000 folks who torrent’d The Hurt Locker are probably looking over their shoulders a bit more these days. “Voltage Pictures, the creators of the Oscar winning film The Hurt Locker, really has it in for BitTorrent users who downloaded their movie. In an ongoing lawsuit, Voltage Pictures is going after 24,583 people who it hopes to acquire cash settlements from. In order to track down the individuals, the lawyers for Voltage Pictures are requesting internet service providers to hand over the personal details of the IP addresses associated with each defendant.”

What’s worse, the ISPs are releasing about 100 names per month (depending on the deal they made with Voltage). When is your month up? How much is Voltage asking for? $2,500-$2,900. That’s a big chunk of change for a movie that was just meh. The only question that remains is this: how are you going to avoid it?

Here are my best guesses:

#1 Go on the attack. You know you downloaded the movie illegally, so what do you do? Pre-emptively sue Voltage for making a horrible picture. The best defense is good offense – they’ll never see this one coming.
#2 Go on the lam. “You’ll never catch me alive, copper.” -Oscar Wilde (who probably would have torrented it too). I hear Belize is nice this time of year. Head to Australia and hang out with the criminal element there. Canada is too easy – if you’re going, might as well make it interesting.
#3 Pull a Hollywood on them. It’s kind of ironic that Hollywood is full of suggestions on how to make a hidden room in your house which you can use to avoid paying for Hollywood movies. Pull back a rug, cut a trap door, stash some canned goods down there. Modern day coppers don’t pull back rugs anymore, or so I hear.

OK, so these suggestions are a bit weak. Like something out of a B Hollywood movie. Like, you know, The Hurt Locker.

Nokia Oro is luscious gold

Like something out of Austin Powers in Goldmember, the Nokia Oro is covered in gold. ” The phone is made up of 18-carat gold with a sapphire crystal as the home key. On the back, the Nokia Oro is made up of premium leather from Scotland.”

Scottish leather? Sapphire crystal? Gold? That’a a lot of stuff for something you’ll leave behind in a taxi. $1125 for a gold phone that what? You’ll pull it out at a party and in a country club and say, “it’s gold baby!” But after that? You can’t keep repeating that all night. Don’t be that guy/gal.

I am all for the finer things in life. This isn’t it.

Stop stealing phones!

Whether your phone is gold or not, you don’t want it stolen. What’s more, advice to the criminal element here, don’t steal them. Here’s why: “when the police responded, they learned that one of the stolen phones was equipped with a GPS tracking device. Using computer software, the officers were easily able to track the exact location of the robbers. All four men, who were spotted outside of a shopping center, were immediately taken into custody.”

Am I the only one that can envision a smartphone/taser mash up with an app that remotely triggers the taser? I’d be leaving my phone all over the darn place just to tase folks that might lift the phone. Then my “friends” would hack into my taser app and tase me at random times.

Taser aside, stealing is just wrong. Stealing things that will lead the cops to you is just dumb. Everyone knows you throw the battery out to stop big brother from tailing you. Maybe we’ve just discovered the real reason Apple has non-replaceable batteries?

Today we’ll look at a few companies in the tech world who have proven theres more to their inspiration than just perspiration. The moves of these companies suggest they’ve moved past reality into something they’ve convinced themselves will sell to the people. Here’s my list of company’s I suspect have hit the rock:

Amazon refuses to say they are in the tablet game
Google’s going to flop/rule with Chromebooks
Negotiators go the way of the Dodo?
HTC Flyer bait and switch

To tablet or not? That’s Amazon’s question

Gadgetell’s very own Tarun Kunwar posted, “When asked about the possibility of an Amazon tablet, company President and CEO Jeff Bezos said to “stay tuned” as plans are unveiled. In an interview with Customer Reports, Bezos claimed that an Amazon tablet would simply act as a supplement to the wildly popular Kindle eReader. ”

Indeed, stay tuned. Stay tuned for a time when users can’t tell Android tablet A from Android tablet B. Stay Tuned for a time when the industry shakes out what the heck users actually use tablets for. Anyone feel like staying tuned for the 1.2 years it took netbooks to from hip to flop to see how tablets fare?

Tarun goes on to make a pretty valid point, how many users will buy both a tablet and a dedicated ereader? Logic would suggest, most (not all) would make do with one or the other. Tablets, being jack of many trades is more likely to get the nod as users can see themselves doing more. Can a dedicated ereader survive?

“We will always be very mindful that we will want a dedicated reading device,” Bezos said. “In terms of any other product introductions, I shouldn’t answer.”

That’s probably true, he shouldn’t. By the time Amazon figures out how to stay true to their core with ereaders only but still reach folks that want the Swiss Army knife tablets, the market will have moved on to something else. Maybe Chromebooks?

Chromebooks: Google’s entry into netbooks

This week Google announced a potentially game-changing idea: leased netbooks. Our Jeremy Hill wrote, ” the Chromebook just runs Google Chrome in addition to all the services and apps Google is associated with. Given the lack of power and almost complete dependence on the web, who could best benefit from a Google Chromebook?”

Indeed, who? Jeremy follow’s Google’s hints and says students and enterprise. Students? Sure, students are dumb enough to buy anything for cheap monthly fees; just ask my idiot brother who bought a Kia for $60,000 while in school. But enterprise?

I fear Google’s bubble is interfering here (and I don’t mean it’s market cap). The bubble of running in crowds were everyone tweets, everyone Facebooks (or used to), everyone lives on the web. Outside Googleplex in the real world, folks want to save stuff. Businesses want compatibility. Businesses want to play the compeitions sweet DVD of products. How many, “can you send me the file in pdf format or other compatible format?” emails can one company send before losing faith? “Our IT department got these non-window things that we can’t work with,” doesn’t that make you cringe?

I love my CR-48. It’s fast, easy and almost fun. Since I got my iPad though, it’s sat on a desk waiting for me to come back to. It’s a sideshow to my real PC that does the heavy lifting. Chromebooks are almost fun machines built for folks on the web full time. Everyone else should wait…

Groupon set to kill negotiation skills of our youth

If you’re like me, you pull up to a toll booth and offer, “how about I tip you a quarter and we let this one slide?” Or maybe in the streets of Tiajuana you talk down the street vendor just pennies on the dollars he originally demanded for the authentic natives vs the conquistadors chess set? If Groupon has it way, our kids are going to get taken.

Groupon is going out of its way to get deals for everyone – even those hermits that live on the net. Our Jeremy Hill explains, “Groupon Now provides several deals for a single city either through its website, or through its application for iOS and Android. ” Forget deal of the day, these are instant deals. Hungry? Punch up the app and find the place that is giving more away free.

Don’t even get me started on how our kids will never feel the adrenalin rush of dining and dashing as these Groupon deals are all prepaid. Come on Groupon, think of the kids!

HTC Flyer looks to sell the H, T and C separately to saps in the USA

Thanks a lot Apple. By proving folks will buy your accessory (the iPad smart cover) by making it fancy and pump up the cash you rake in with gadget sales, HTC is now following. Our Jeremy Hill again reports, “his is a bit of news that sounds quite ridiculous, but it’s true. When the Wi-Fi version of the HTC Flyer releases in Best Buy stores this spring for $499, it won’t come bundled with the HTC Digital Pen. This pen will let users do things such as take notes and draw within certain applications. The 7-inch screen certainly makes taking notes much easier, but that digital pen will cost $79.99 if you purchase the tablet from Best Buy.”

But in the UK, it’s included. “It’s mind-boggling,” according to Jeremy, “that an accessory that is being so heavily promoted as a selling point of the HTC Flyer doesn’t even come in the box.”

Yes, the stylus! The utensil to the Palm Pilot, the comfort food to the pen-and-paper set just can’t seem to die. Now, introduced again as revolutionary, the stylus will save us from clumsy fingers, super-fine pointing and for the ultra-artsy type, the paintbrush of choice. Remember when Windows Mobile phones had stylii? Come on, Windows Mobile? That should be enough on it’s own to discourage a stylus return.

It’s like bell bottom jeans, they looks silly and you just feel weird using them.

Got something you’re scratching your head about? Let us know in the comments.

Welcome to the no-crack zone of the tech world. Only Gadgetell is so bold to suggest something besides greed and geekcred is driving some of the industries latest moves. We think it could be crack. Let’s get to the accused:

Apple throws you out of the store every, single, time.
Google thinks you’re a slut
Sony let’s everyone in on your stuff
HTC gets all sexy

Apple’s App Store one-at-a-time policy is whack

Imagine if you went the supermarket and had a cart full of products only to get thrown out of the store after buying just the first one. Whoosh! You find yourself outside the automatic door with just the milk. “WTF” you say, run back in the store and after buying bread, find yourself back outside. How long would it take you get all your groceries? Days?

That is just what Apple does with its App Store. It’s bloody ridiculous. Apple has the customer in the store and then kicks them to the curb when they decide on one thing. The iTunes store doesn’t demand you watch where it goes on your homescreen, it downloads in the background allowing you to continue to buy, buy, buy. But not the App Store.

The Android store doesn’t work this way. The webOS store doesn’t work this way. So what gives Apple? How is this a good idea? Do you sit in your office and just watch us ants get an app, get thrown out and then run right back in to get something else? That’s just cruel.

Google suggests you get around

Google is back on the rock, so Gadgetell’s Arnold Zafra suggests, “how many email contacts can one actually has? I mean can you actually fill up your 10,000 contacts limit on Gmail? Apparently, the people at Google think so, as they just bumped up the limit to no 25,000.” (sic)

25,000 people. Really Google? That’s how many barrels of oil were spilling into the gulf. That’s the maximum cash prize for the $25,000 pyramid when it debuted in 1974. That’s how many public employees and their supporters gathered in Wisconsin to protest Republican Gov. Scott Walker’s budget cuts. It’s a giant number.

The old number was absurd enough: 10,000. I can’t keep track of my kids names and I’ve only got two. How would anyone keep tabs on 10,000 people? I’d hate to see that tab for Christmas cards! Hold up, I’d bet a crack kingpin could have 25,000 contacts in their network – that kinda suggests Google has contacts in this line of work… Nothing says, “i need a good course of rehab” than designing products for your crack-connection.

Sony unintentional social network

You love to share with friends right? Perhaps Sony thought you’d like to share your data with everyone? Gamertell, Gadgetell’s sister site had the scoop, “In a statement that can do nothing but send customers into a worrying frenzy, SOE announced that 12,700 credit card numbers have been stolen.” Ouch.

Sony has since followed up pointing a finger (tauntingly perhaps?) at Anonymous, the rouge ragtag group of hackers. Sony’s stepped up offing ID protection of $1 million dollars for each person affected. In short, it’s an unintentional social network.

They say no press is bad press? I think Sony would disagree.

HTC gets all sexy

Oops, I read that wrong. HTC gets all sexist, there that’s better. In what we can only hope is someone making something up, our Jeremy Hill reports on the latest rumor: “The design of the phone is said to have a rubberized back with a greenish color to produce a “calming effect.” The wallpaper is also believed to encourage a similar mood…Among the rumored preloaded software are shopping applications and applications that help keep track of calorie intake.”

Yes, because all women love shopping and watch what they eat, or should. Is that the statement HTC is making? Are we back in the 40s? Come on man, have we learned that little in marketing to women? Are we to believe here is how the product design session went:

boss: OK boys, let’s make a girlie phone!
worker: We can make it pink and pretty pastels
boss: good but we need more, what do women love?
worker: I don’t know but I can Google that…OK, says here they love shopping and dieting.
boss: fantastic. make those things “apps” (and you know he did the air-quotes hand gesture). What else can we add?
worker: um, uh.
boss: don’t any of you talk to women?
worker: you mean in person?
and…scene.

Let’s hope it’s just a rumor and not some time-space portal we accidentally opened.

Welcome to a slightly British feeling Who’s on Crack. This week, we’ll look deeper at some top tech stories that seem too bold to be fueled by passion alone. We suspect something else was involved, something like crack. Let’s get to the accused.

Apple rolls out White iPhone, 10 months late
Are you a sell out? Amazon has $25 for you if you are
Sony has no idea what you’d like
Gadgetell: telling you like it is

White iPhone proves it’s no white whale

After 10 long months of manufacturing issues, Apple has finally released the infamous white iPhone. Arnold Zafra for Appletell has the word, “Finally, Apple has officially announced the white iPhone 4, which will go on sale in the US starting tomorrow, April 28. The white iPhone 4 will be available from AT&T and Verizon wireless stores, authorized resellers, Apple’s retail stores and from the Apple online store.”

What was the hold up? Apparently the color confused the proximity sensor and also gave the camera some operating difficulty. Sounds fishy, right?

I agree it sounds fishy, so off I trotted to my local Home Depot and as the man at the paint center all about white. Chuck (he refused to give his last name) told me matching white is probably the hardest part of his job. Chuck said, “there’s ecru, snow white, titanium white, pearl white…” Chuck went on for a good 20 minutes until I faked a knee pain and left. It would seem Apple learned the same thing.

Amazon asks you to sell out for $25

What is your price? Amazon thinks you’ll jump for $25 off it’s best selling Kindle with Special Offers. In exchange for seeing an advertisement on your home screen and screen saver, Amazon will knock $25 off the pricing (bringing it down to just $114). Our man Jeremy Hill has the word, “It’s $25 less than the standard Wi-Fi Kindle, but it also comes with advertisements on the home screen and screensaver. To its credit, the ads won’t appear while you’re reading books. Other than the ads, the Kindle with Special Offers is identical to its $139 older brother.”

So, cool, $25 for just seeing some ads instead of famous book art, what’s so bad about that? If Amazon is giving you $25, what are they getting? What are they selling your screen space for? We suspect they are clearing well above the $25 users will jump at. For a hint, look at the ad Amazon uses in it’s promo.

Buick automobiles. Amazon knows they’ve hit a valuable demographic with the Kindle. My informal research shows Kindle owners are well-heeled users who will pay for convenience. That’s attractive to a lot of brands out there. Long story short: we’re getting played by Amazon, again. The advertising value they’ll get out of it is way higher than the $25 they offer and I suspect they know it.

My suggestion: haggle. Call up Amazon and offer them $50 for a Kindle. Offer to email them a copy of your tax return and relate how influential a buyer you are. Let them know you are onto their scam and will rat them out unless they sell a Kindle to you for less. I suspect they’ve got a script written for just this very scenario. Let them know you won’t sell out for less than $50 off.

Sony offers up two products, in case you don’t like one

I ragged on Sony last week for their overuse of the Walkman brand (a brand I hold should have been sent to sleep with the fishes decades ago). I am not about to stop now. Jenni Lada over at Gamertell has the news, “I know the S2 has smaller screens, but gamers may want to look into grabbing that Sony Tablet if they want an Android Tablet. Think of it this way – the bottom screen will probably have a virtual, touch-screen control system for the games and the upper screen will only be used as a display. I’m sure it’ll be more comfortable than trying to hold a 9” tablet just so while also making sure your thumbs and fingers are in the right spots. Don’t rush to make any decisions now though! You have plenty of time to decide if you do or don’t want to pick one up.”

I think Jenna is spot on. The question I have, why doesn’t Sony trust her? Surely, a focus group would say, “wow this one is different and interesting,” not just a copy of what is flowing like Mad Dog 20/20 at a freshman party out of Taiwan and China? What doesn’t Sony trust?

Why a slate just like everyone else? Why not put all your eggs on one basket and make it the icon, not a feeble choice? I don’t get it and I think that is exactly how Sony feels: they don’t get it. It’s time to man-up and say this is it; not, well, uh, it’s either this, or this.

iPhone 5 could be anything

That’s right, we said it. Where else but Gadgetell could you get honest, truthful reporting like this: “iPhone 5 could look much different than what we are expecting.” Boom. Did Shawn Ingram just blow your mind? It’s true, iPhone 5 could look like a boomerang for all we know.

It could, as Mr. Ingram would love to believe have NFC for payments, edge-to-edge screen, webOS-like gesture area and a look that harkens back to the original iPod touch. Heck, I’d like to think that too. But here in reality, anything is possible.

iPhone 5 could integrate a magical Pez dispenser. The device could double as a tazer to ward off Android fanboys. Or even an electronic contact lens that is powered by the act of blinking, now that would be magical.

You might think pointing out an unannounced product could look like anything, or perhaps even to dare that said device might be a surprise should be left to the blog giants. Maybe Gizmodo or Engadget should only dare to fly that close to the sun. Alas, no. Gadgetell is willing to put it all on the line in the name of truth, justice and doggone it, the American way. Gadgetell is the beacon of light in the inky night. Read it and weep in astonishment: “the iPhone 5 could look much different than what we are expecting.”