Why do I do this to myself: Animal Boyfriend edition

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In case you were wondering if Android Amusements has turned into a (semi)weekly feature where I play horrible mobile games and wonder why anyone bothered playing them, stop right there. It has. The fact that this week I tried Animal Boyfriend only confirms it. Especially since I was actually excited about Animal Boyfriend. A friend of mine said it was out, and I was hoping for a terribad game along the lines of the Shall We Date? series. animal boyfriend love nutsThough, it’s quite possibly because my maturity level is on-par with a 13 year old’s, because I laughed way too long and hard when my wolf boyfriend gave me Love Nuts.

Seriously, it’s a thing that happened in Animal Boyfriend, and I may have giggled to myself again just now because writing about it made me relive it.

Now, what really made Animal Boyfriend shine is the fact that there are no hard and fast rules here. Guidelines and stories? Pshaw! We don’t need that. All that matters is you are a male or female professor at some kind of institute, taking a furry student under your wing. I guess the idea is that the animal/person/thing wants to become human, and by acting as it’s teacher, you’ll help it shed its unsightly animal qualities. Though at the same time, I guess you’re also super unprofessional, because you’re kind-of attempting to make him fall in love with you? I don’t know. As I said, there’s no point trying to make sense out of this.

It’s really more of a life simulation. Your chosen student, which can be a cat, dog, fox, rabbit, or wolf, can take classes, work jobs, talk with you, go on limited-time trips, and sleep. Classes and jobs alter his stats, sleeping keeps him from turning back into an animal, and I have no idea what the point of trips are. I encountered other people’s idiot Animal Boyfriends when I took my wolf to the zoo and found an outfit for him. Also, there was an opportunity to spend real cash to make a memory with him, and I’m guessing that would have unlocked a romantic image and perhaps boosted affection.

I’ll be honest, all Animal Boyfriend did was confuse me. I was tweeting while I attempted a playthrough and, as you can see, I started going crazy.

By the way, “Crocodile” made my wolf smarter. I have no idea why. Perhaps because I was thinking outside of the box?

Suffice to say, I have not been back to the zoo or Animal Boyfriend since.

Animal Boyfriend is free for both Android and iOS devices. I wholeheartedly suggest buying a stuffed animal instead.

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