Eight things I’ve learned from Dissidia: Final Fantasy

Dissidia: Final Fantasy is, inarguably, a fantastic game. At the same time, it shares a commonality with other Square Enix games. There are things in the game that just don’t seem to make any clear sense. Or at least, they wouldn’t make sense in a real world situation. But that’s part of the fun of a Square Enix game, things don’t have to make sense.

Back when Crisis Core: Final Fantasy came out, it proved to be both a fun and learning experience. It’s no surprise that Dissidia had a few things to teach players as well.

1. Cloud and Sephiroth are the masters of dramatic pauses. It’s like their voice actors went to the William Shatner school of acting. Squall comes in at a distant third.
2. Few things are more satisfying than using your favorite Final Fantasy heroes and villains to completely decimate your least favorite Final Fantasy heroes and villains. If I was having a less than ideal day, starting up a quick play match with Sephiroth against Tidus or Zidane could make all my troubles fade away.
3. Villains cheat. 11 dodges in a row Emperor? Not cool. Not cool at all. Golbez and Jecht like to pull this trick too. Also uncool is when a boss character has a totally cheap summon, like Ifrit, equipped so he can go in for an unexpected 1-hit kill.
4. Just because a character’s androgynous, doesn’t mean he can’t kick ass. Respect the pretty boys. While you’re laughing and mocking, they’re unleashing magic attacks you can’t dodge or block.
5. Good warriors spend very little time on the ground. I’m not sure whether to suggest the Dissidia fights take place in a zero-G environment or if the game is set in the same fantasy universe as The Matrix movies. Let’s put it this way – you’ll likely be spending most of the game dashing through the air after your opponent.
6. Kefka may be a fan of The Princess Bride. It can’t be a coincidence that, when you beat him, he cries out, “Inconceivable!” Can it? I prefer to think he’s a fan of Vizzini.
7. The Dissidia develop team must be members of Sephiroth’s fanclub. I mean come on, he’s the only character who’s alternate costume has him topless.
8. It’s really only worth playing Dissidia one day a week. I’m sure I’m not the only one abusing the bonus day, and spending endless hours on the game once a week to optimize my characters in the least amount of time.

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